Today I Ran

I have never been a runner. I have never wanted to run. I have never even had the slightest urge to try. It is funny to me now that I reflect on my aversion to running because I have always been a dancer. I danced my whole life for hours on end: heart racing, breaths quick, side cramps, and muscles sore. Dancing is no joke; it is a serious cardio workout. I was even in Colorguard as a high-schooler, running around a football field during a 12 minute half-time show. Now that was also serious cardio. 

I don't know why I despised running so much, even though I had never really done it. 

One memory comes to mind that could explain part of my distaste for running: 

I was in 5th grade gym class, running the dreaded mile. I have had asthma my whole life, always induced by strenuous exercise (especially outside in the heat). I remember it was spring--the weather was pretty warm. The Cincinnati humidity was setting in and the sun was high in the sky. My gym teacher was never my favorite teacher. My gym teacher scared me. She did not like the face that I needed to leave gym class almost every day to use my inhaler, and she let me know it.

The day we ran the mile it was humid, muggy, and hot. I got about halfway through the mile and could feel my lungs starting to constrict. I started wheezing and stopped cold while the other kids continued to run past me. Once I felt like I could move again, I began to walk towards the gym door. I needed my inhaler in the nurse's office. As I walked holding my chest, my gym teacher yelled from across the field, "You better not think of stopping! Your grade is on the line. I am not stopping the timer!" With teary eyes I continued into the gym door. "The timer's running. You better get back out here and finish." As I pulled the door shut, I continued to the nurse's office feeling embarrassed and as small as a mouse. 

That was my experience with running. It continued through 6th grade until I moved to the middle school. I honestly never thought of trying to run after that. It's silly, but things stick with you. 

But today I ran. 

I have been toying with the idea for a week or so, and today I decided to try. It doesn't hurt to try, right? So my dog, Remy, and I went out and walked/jogged for 2.5 miles. I didn't completely enjoy it. And I didn't completely hate it. Remy felt the same way. The first time is always the hardest, but I don't plan on giving up. 

I'm going to keep it up and see how I do the next few weeks. Of course, I am not giving up my dance classes or Zumba. That's just more "me." But I like being able to just go and get out of the house with Remy. 

At first, I felt silly. I worried that I looked ridiculous running. I told Bjorn last night that I didn't think I knew how to run. I worried that I would double over halfway through and stop breathing. But, who am I kidding. I know my body. I know what I can do and what I can't do. I took my inhaler, rubbed some En-R-Gee essential oil on my wrist, drank some water, and went. Today I stopped making excuses and tried something new. 

And tonight I feel accomplished and a little sore, but I am proud of myself for kicking myself in the pants and just going for it. And so is Remy. 

Love and happiness <3 Holly

The Rory Gilmore Challenge

One of my bookish IG friends recently started a challenge--you may have heard of it--among our other book-loving IG friends. The challenge is to read the 339 books that Rory Gilmore was seen reading or mentioned throughout the course of The Gilmore Girls series (or at least try to). 

Here is a link to the entire list of books in the challenge: Rory's Books. It's a daunting list for sure, but I love the fact that working on this challenge has gotten me to read books that I most likely would never have picked up otherwise. I just started the challenge in July, so I haven't finished a ton of these books.Plus I'm reading other choices too. But I am really enjoying reading out of my comfort zone!

Here are the books that I have read in prior years before I started the challenge:

1. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

2. The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

3. Babe by Dick King-Smith

4. Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White

5. The Crucible by Arthur Miller

6. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

7. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells

8. Eloise by Kay Thompson

9. Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol

10. Gidget by Fredrick Kohner

11. Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen

12.  Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Alvin Granowsky

13. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

14. How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss

15. Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee

16. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

17. The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen

18. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

19. Lord of the Flies by William Golding

20. The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson

21. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

22. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

23. My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult

24. The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

25. The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin

26. Night by Elie Wiesel

27. The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton

28. Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi

29. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

30.  Rapunzel by Grimm Brothers

31. The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe

32.  Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

33. The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum

34. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

35. Snow White and Rose Red by Grimm Brothers

36. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

37. The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

38. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

39. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

40. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

41. Walt Disney’s Bambi by Felix Salten

42. The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum

And from July through the first two weeks of August, I have added the following books to the "read" list:

    

And here's what I have lined up to read next:

   

   

Have you ever tried the Rory Gilmore Challenge?

What are you reading at the moment?

Love and happiness <3 Holly

How To Be Happy #2: Do Something Unexpected

A  few years ago, I realized that I wasn't actively working towards finding my happy in my everyday life. I was too tired, in too much pain (from migraines), to anxious to do anything. I realized that sometimes I need to put more of an effort into trying to put a little "pep in my step"--a little happy in my life.

Over the past few months, I have had a lot going on with my health. My headaches have gotten worse, a new medication that I was taking gave me horrible side effects, and I was completely dreading going to my annual visit to the OB/GYN (sorry if that's TMI!). I recently went to my doctor after trying this new migraine medication for months and not feeling myself for long enough. I've since stopped it and am already starting to feel a little better. I also went to my lady doctor for a visit after getting some suspect results on my annual Pap last year. My doctor told me not to worry. It was most likely a false-positive result, and we'd check it again this year. But--that is not how OCD works. 

My mom had Stage 1 Cervical cancer when I was in college, and, as you can imagine, that sent my OCD into a downward tailspin, spiraling quickly towards earth. At any minute I was ready to crash and have things blow up into the worse-case-scenario possible. I have been a little more sensitive towards illness with my OCD since my dad passed away from a glioblastoma (aggressive brain tumor). In the back of my mind, my OCD pecks, If it could happen to Dad, it could definitely happen to me. It's hard to ignore--that OCD voice. It's not easy, but it's possible.

Long story short, I went back to the doctor, she reassured me that my results were most likely a false positive. We redid the test because of my abnormal results last year. I will get my results next week. I feel much better.

So instead of sitting around and worrying and instead of letting my OCD get the best of my life, I did something different yesterday. My husband called me last night and said that he needed to do something fun. He had a long week and wanted to go out to dinner. My typical OCD self would say, "It's a Wednesday. You can't go out. You need to finish grading. You need to do x, y, and z. Forget it." 

Instead, I didn't think. I just said, "Yes." I wanted to have some fun and go out to dinner.

Grading could wait. I had two huge weights lifted off my shoulder--I was hopefully going to start getting my energy back from stopping my most recent migraine medicine, and I was no longer worried about going to see my doctor. 

So we went out.

So excited to go out with my hubby. I even wore my crab sweater! It makes me happy :)

On the way to dinner, we stopped for these cuties to cross the street! Loved it!

We had a great night at Cooper Hawk's Winery and Restaurant in Kenwood. I've been once before with my sister. It is delicious! The restaurant has a great atmosphere, great wine, food, and service. Bjorn and I enjoyed drinks and great food and just enjoyed each other's company. And not once during dinner did I think about getting something else done. I didn't let my OCD allow me to feel guilty for enjoying myself. 

I totally ordered that delicious Bloody Mary!

Here is my drink of the night complete with local draft beer sidecar. I had eaten the sharp cheddar cheese and blue cheese olive by the time I had taken the picture! Sooo good!

Talk about delicious! These pork belly tostadas were my favorite! They were fresh, salty, and had a nice crunch from the radish and nice creaminess from the avocado. Must try!

After dinner, we decided to stop by Half Price Books since it's right next door. I decided to make our trip a little more interesting, so I created a challenge for us! I decided that we each had to find a movie that the other person hadn't seen. It had to be a movie each of us liked and we each wanted the other person to watch. Then the other person would have to watch the movie of your choice, no complaining!!

There was one small problem that I found with this challenge: Bjorn and I have been together for 15 years. We love watching movies. We have watched so many movies together that we couldn't find any movies that we hadn't seen together!! Hahaha! We were cracking each other up! So we had to stretch our brains way back to our childhoods to finish this challenge! We weren't giving up! So here's what we found:

I had never seen Willow.

And Bjorn had never seen Anchors Away. Hello Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra!

Can't wait to watch these movies together!


Moral of our night out: have more fun nights out. Don't let OCD control my happy. I had so much fun. I need to have more fun.

Source

Suggestions for future challenges and fun nights out are welcome! Leave a comment below! It's hard sometimes to stump each other!


To read my first How To Be Happy Post about music and dancing, click here.


Love and happiness <3 Holly

A Hard Reality, But Going Somewhere

Sometimes along this journey of finding my happy, I sit and wonder, is this my happy? Sometimes bad days cloud my vision, and it's harder to see through the sad, the frustrated, and the unknown. 

Over the past few months, I have had a difficult time with my migraines. I have been on a new medication that makes me exhausted. I have no energy, and I don't feel like myself. I feel like, in a sense, I'm in this weird "waiting" place with my migraines. I'm waiting for something to work. Nothing has, and I'm just waiting for the next medication, the next suggestion, the next failure. I know that's a downer, but it's hard to stay positive sometimes. 

A Typical Migraine Night

I keep reminding myself that I am still doing other things that I love, even though I feel like I don't have my life together right now because I'm not feeling the greatest. I'm doing the best I can at the moment with the amount of headaches that I am having. I also realize that some treatments are going to affect me in adverse ways. 

My goal through all of this is to not place crazy expectations on myself.  If I feel exhausted, I need a break. Maybe I'll take a nap. And I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm not pushing myself until I fall over. I need to listen to my body and what is happening right now at this moment in time with my migraines. And right now, my body is telling me, "Whoa, Nelly! Take it easy!!" I am not going to feel guilty because I'm not doing all my usual activities at my usual pace. I'm going to talk to my new doctor when the time comes and roll with the punches. 

This is a reminder to myself that happiness is what I make of it. It is not an expectation set by my anxiety or my OCD:

Shades of Gray

Happiness is black and white with gray around the edges

swirled together like cold milk stirred into a steaming cup of coffee.

Sometimes it's circles of orange, yellow, gold, and red

bobbing across a crisp, ocean blue sky 

radiating heat and fearless energy.

Other times it's mauve polka dots and pale green stripes

riding in and out on the breeze

bringing along a cool sense of calm.

It’s up and down.

It’s stitched and unstitched.

It’s sure and then unsure.

It’s second guessing.

It's always wanting to be somewhere,

but not sure if you’re there yet.

Am I there yet?

Am I there yet?

Soon the asking gets old.

The mind

trained to question again and again

over and over

on repeat

until you realize: 

happiness is black and white with gray around the edges.

I'm in this for the long haul.

Love and happines <3 Holly