Sunday, October 13, 2013

Outlet #1: Putting My Thoughts on Paper

As long as I can remember I have been writing. Looking back at my teenage years and my writing, it was a lot about feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, boys, love, confusion about love and relationships, and dealing with my anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Teenage angst, what can you say?

I used to journal too when I was even in elementary school, but I don't have any of those writings anymore. I do, however, have most of the poems that I wrote since I was about 16 or so through college and beyond. Poems and short pieces of writing are the forms that my writing usually took and still does take. I did try a few times to write fictional pieces--longer fictional pieces, but I quickly felt overwhelmed thinking of undertaking such a task. 

I really wanted to write something like this, but I felt like everything about such a piece had to be perfect. I never did get around to finishing any stories that I started. I did have a few. I still remember the storylines, generally speaking. I still have notes I wrote about the characters, their relationships, the central issues in the stories. It's interesting to look back on, but I understand why I didn't finish them: the same reason I still have trouble taking on huge projects in my personal life. I feel quickly overwhelmed. That I will never do a "good enough" job, so there's no point in continuing. I'm not going to like the outcome. The "idea" of what the project is like finished is probably much better than the final product, so I am just not going to try. It's funny how my OCD brain can keep me from doing and enjoying things I love by convincing me that I will never do anything up to par.  

This past summer and the past few months, I have been squashing my OCD voice and finding the joy in writing again. I have written a few more poems. I have also started a few writing projects I guess you could call them--longer projects. Here's what I worked on when I got home from Zumba on Friday. 

Five Minute Friday: 

Writing Session #1

Okay, this is WAY late! But, oh well, I was so tired on Friday! I couldn't get this post up!

I decided to start doing a 5-Minute Friday write just to get the creative writing juices flowing. I haven't been writing as much as I used to. And one of my goals is to write more. So...I decided one fun way to get more writing in is to give myself a prompt, a picture, a word, something, and just write for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, I have to stop. After stopping, it's done. It's raw, it's there, it's not perfect, and it's just something I wrote completed.

This past Friday I decided to write about my OCD brain, but I have been collecting fun pictures on the Internet and from my house and ideas to write about in the future. I'll post them every Friday from now on :) You can write along with me too if you like! It will be fun!! 

I ended up writing a two voice poem between myself and my OCD brain. Here's what I came up with in my Five Minute Writing: Session #1...

Here it is written in my Notes on my phone. I never write there, but I didn't feel like handwriting it on Friday. I did change the first line yesterday. I realized I started out with "turn the light on" and then the next time that line of repetition came up, it was also "turn the light on." Easy fix--change the first line to "turn the light off." Here's how I wrote it on Friday...

And here's how the whole thing turned out:

Conversation with My OCD Brain

Just turn off the light.

I don't believe you.

Why not? You know it's true.

I think you're trying to pull the
wool over my eyes.

Just turn on the light.

Don't you trust me?

I'm not sure. Should I?

Of course! How could I fail you?

Just turn off the light.

But I just feel like something... what? Something has to be done?
Well, you're right! if you would just listen!
You wouldn't feel like anything is wrong.

Just turn on the light.

But I can't stop thinking about
what you said.

You won't unless you follow through.
That's the way it works. Trust me.

I just don't think that's what I need
to do. It doesn't seem in my best 

Just turn off the light.

But I am looking out for your best
interest! It will ease your mind. It's the
only way.

Just turn on the light.

But I just did!!!

You're not done yet! You know that!
Did you lose count? Three...
Right three...

Just turn off the light.
Just turn on the light.
Just turn off the light.
Just turn on the light.
Just turn off the light.

Six. It's done.

You're right. I feel better.

I told you I wouldn't let you down.

Wait, are you sure that was

Better safe than sorry. Trust me.
You'll feel better this time. Just one
more time. Start again...

Just turn on the light.

Happy Sunday.

Love and happiness <3 Holly

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