Sometimes I hate downtime. Honestly, I really love downtime to the core of my being. It's my anxiety and OCD that hate it.
Well, my dogs sure do love downtime!
Downtime causes my brain to have too much freedom to wander off into Anxiety Land, causing
anxious feelings to pulse throughout my body.
It's funny how something so revered--freedom, fun, relaxation--can cause so much havoc and stress in my every day.
It starts in my brain; my brain tells my body that something is "off," something's "not right." I need to be doing something. My brain tells my body that non-productiveness is ridiculous.
Ignoring my anxiety brain, I try to remain relaxed and calm, but those feelings soon shoot throughout my body like electricity. I begin to feel unnerved, jumpy, jittery, unable to sit still. I sometimes feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin if I don't get up and do something. And my brain is screaming, "JUST GET UP AND DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
I've had a few of these days lately, few and far between from how many I have had throughout most of my life, but enough to make me feel fidgety, on edge.
That's the thing about anxiety: it's unpredictable. It can wake you from a deep sleep. It can bring down the happiest of days. It hits you in the face like a ton of bricks. Yet you keep pushing it down, ignoring it, blocking it, but the physical affects of anxiety are real and hard to ignore.
It's hard to make yourself get up (when you want to be relaxing) and run up and down the stairs or jump up and down or dance when you don't feel like it. Sometimes releasing the energy is the only way to bring the anxiety down. It doesn't always work, but it's usually a hit, not a miss.
Some days I just get tired of the unknown, the rapid fire, the frustration, the restlessness. It gets old.
My goal is happiness, contentment--so I will continue on with this journey, even though the battle gets draining sometimes. I wish I could step in a boxing ring with my anxiety and give it a piece of my mind. Sometimes I've had enough and would just like a vacation from the anxiousness. I can handle it--I do every day.
Some days it's just hard to feel turned upside down and dangled by your ankles when you just want to do nothing but relax and feel
Do you ever have days like that?
Love and happiness <3 Holly