Still Unsure about my Migraines

So my migraines have been going...

I've come to the conclusion that they're never going away, but I've always known that. It's just hard to come to this realization at this point in your last-ditch-effort treatment to suppress your pain.

On Thursday, I will get my third Botox treatment that will last twelve weeks. At this end of this twelve weeks, I'll see {hopefully} how much the treatments will help me in the future. (Nine months was the amount of time my doctor wanted me to wait to see the full effects of treatment.)

The treatments have been, over time, helping a somewhat as I've noticed. So far, the frequency of migraines that I have in one month has not gone down, but by a few. The intensity and severity of my migraines has gone down. The migraines are more responsive to medication; they tend to go away within 30 minutes, instead of lingering all day (when I take medication). The only problem is determining when to take medication (because I only have a certain amount per month) and not to take too much because then I can get rebound headaches from it. 

One of the hardest parts is that when I do get a migraine, even right after taking my mediation, I almost always feel the need to lie down until the medication kicks in. That is impossible to do at work, so I usually just give myself an injection or take a pill, plow through, and hope it goes away with out being able to rest for 20-30 minutes.

But the toughest thing to get used to {besides the Botox injections} are the Torodol injections that I have to give myself when my migraine last for days at a time and none of my medication is working to get rid of them. I have never been a needle-loving girl. I used to pass out in the doctor's office when my mom was pregnant with my younger sister, Rachael, and they'd take her blood for tests. I distinctly remember blacking out once and then waking up with my head between my legs while I was sitting on the floor.

Being able to give myself injections at all is coming a long way for me. Seriously. I laughed the first time my doctor suggested it. I never in my life would have imagined myself at this place giving myself injections. My grandpa would have laughed too. He used to pass out at the sight of needles as well {must be genetic :) }. The last few times that I've had to give them, just looking at the needle made me nauseous. I was already nauseous from the migraine, so I had to call Bjorn to give them to me. 

Sometimes it can be really overwhelming. It still makes me a little emotional just thinking about how far I've come and that I still seem to have so many migraine-filled days. I know I should be optimistic, especially knowing that with all these medications, the migraines have become more manageable. But it is really hard sometimes to be optimistic in the face of all of this.

I'm not looking forward to Thursday. My second round of Botox was not a fun one. The numbing cream wore off waiting on my doctor, so I felt every needle going into my face. Super not fun. This time I am timing them to get their booties in the door before it wears off. If not, we're rubbing some more cream all over my head. 

So we'll see how this round goes. I definitely notice the Botox wearing off, which I think is a good thing. The last two weeks, my neck has been so stiff and in a lot of pain. It must have really helped to block the nerve signals from my neck and upper back, which really helped with those types of migraines. I know I need to get another treatment; it's just knowing I have to get it done that doesn't make for a good week :(

Hopefully, I'll have some good news that the Botox is helping more at the end of the next three months, since my doctor is beginning to tailor the doses and injection sites to my needs and pain areas. Knock on wood, fingers crossed, and I told my dad to keep an eye on me. I know he is. Here's to hoping these next three months are positive for my migraines. 

Love and happiness <3 Holly