Thursday, October 16, 2014

I'm Here, Just Not Myself

I haven't been around much lately. These past few months I haven't been myself, and it's because I am in uncharted territory. I never in a million years would have imagined myself in this place right now, but I am here. I am trying to deal with it, but things are not getting easier at the moment.

The last few months have been extremely challenging. I feel like I have been walking through three feet of water every day, slowly making my way through my life, never really getting anywhere. I feel myself going through the motions, but not feeling anything else. I don't feel happy or sad. I am just here. Some days are better than others, but most days are just space. One moment in time connected to another. Most days I try to drag myself out of bed and hope that I have the energy to make it through until the next. My legs are tired from wading through the water. I want out, but right now I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

A few months ago, my doctor changed my headache medication. Over time I noticed a change in my energy. It slowly started going downhill until I had none. It is a challenge to push myself hard enough to get out of bed, get through the day, and come home to do something other than sleep. I sleep, but don't feel well rested. I have no appetite. I don't care to do the things that I love--thus the lack of blogs lately. I am emotionally and physically drained. I do not like the way I feel at this time in my life.

I am depressed. 

Taking this new medication has put my life into a tailspin that I wasn't expecting. I have never in my life felt so stagnant and low. This is not me, but it is me at this moment in my life. That is a hard thing for me to wrap my head around, but I am dealing with it. My happy has come in and out of my life the last few months. At times it has eluded me completely. It's still there somewhere; I'm working on it.

It's a ton of bricks that I carry with me every day, but I'm working on it.

It's hard to hold onto hopefulness, but I grabbed the tattered cord as it rushed by.

I'm going to get through this like I have so many other things.

I'm here. Just not myself at the moment. It's been a rough few months, but I'm working on it.


Love and happiness <3



  1. I'm sorry you're going through this time. I know how difficult depression is. I hope you will start on the road back up very soon.

    1. Tina, Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it so much. It has been so hard. It's something I've never experienced before. I actually have had two good days, and I'm feeling pretty okay right now. Thanks again.


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