I am in no way being overly optimistic, but I decided that I am going to take what I can get. Today I'm feeling pretty good. I don't know if it's a combination of different things, or there is one thing to pinpoint in particular for my moderate mood tonight, but I'll take it.
Maybe the stars aligned in all the right places. Maybe I'm getting a little help from my dad. I'm guessing it's the fact that my doctor lowered the dose of my migraine medication over the last two weeks and that it's almost the weekend--those two things in particular may be what are pulling me through this night.
Tonight I have hope because I did not get home from work and fall asleep all afternoon into the night. I had the energy (minimal as it was, but it was there!) to post in my bookshop, throw in some laundry, and type this blog. That is far more than I've had the motivation to do over the course of a few days, let alone one evening.
I am hoping this is a sign of a move upwards: in my mood, my energy level. A move upwards and onwards towards becoming myself again. To slowly starting to feel something again. I am not only tired: physically, emotionally, and mentally. I am so tired of not feeling anything anymore--not wanting to do anything enjoyable, fun, or good for myself. I haven't read a book in a long time. I haven't taken a walk with my dog. I haven't felt happy doing any of my hobbies in awhile. I want to want to go to a movie, to sit down with a new book, to write.
I know that my happy will slowly come back. I know it will wane in and out as my mood goes up and down--I know I will have ups and downs. I am just ready for a few ups along with the downs.
Today was one. And I am hopeful because of it.
Love and happiness <3 Holly