I Still Can't Believe He's Gone

7 years and 3 months ago, my dad passed away. It was the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. In August of 2007, he was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma (terminal brain cancer). He passed away nine months later. My dad spent most of his life battling Multiple Sclerosis (MS), but was hardly ever "sick" a day in my life. He never had the flu, a cold, strep throat. My dad dealt with his MS so well--he didn't let it stop him. He still shot hoops with us in the driveway and took us to the mall (as a father of three girls) and walked through at his own pace. Every once and awhile his MS would slow him down, but he managed it. 

When he was diagnosed with brain cancer, it was the biggest shock of my life. I never thought my parents were going to get that sick, let alone at the age of 50. I was 26 at the time, and losing one of my parents never crossed my mind. My mom had cancer years before, but came out of it alright. Twice. I thought my dad's diagnosis would pan out in a similar fashion--we'd get my dad treatment, and he'd be fine. Too bad Glioblastoma don't work that way. They gave my dad 6 weeks to live.

My dad shortly after his diagnosis.

My dad quickly went downhill. And eventually lost his battle with brain cancer.

As the years have gone by, it hasn't gotten easier--every day I find something that I wish I could call my dad and tell him about. It just hurts less as time goes on. The ache I used to feel right after my dad's death isn't as raw. The hole is still there, but reality has sunk in over time. I don't wake up anymore thinking he's alive, only to come crashing down minutes later when I remember what actually happened. 

There are so many things that I wish I could share with him by just picking up the phone and calling. He passed before I got married. He never saw me in my wedding dress. He didn't walk me down the aisle. I would love to tell him about my new job, my writing, and my Instagram businesses. He would be so proud of me; he was always good at making sure we [his girls] knew how much he loved us and how proud he was of us. 

Recently, I've been missing my dad quite a bit. A few weeks ago, my mom's dog Bella was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, bone cancer. The vet told my mom she may not make it until Christmas. That was another shock to the heart. 

Me and Bella

Bella was my dad's dog. He loved that baby. Bella is an adorable, stubborn, and loving black lab. She loved my dad more than anything. By Thanksgiving-time the year my dad was diagnosed, he could no longer walk. He lost half his weight and was moved into a hospital bed in our family room. Bella really struggled with this at first. Her "Grampy," as we called him, could no longer take her outside to throw her favorite ball. She could no longer sit on his lap. Bella tried a few times to jump on my dad's hospital bed to lie with him. It hurt my dad too much because his body had become weak. Her life was also changing at the time, but we had no way to communicate it to her. That was tough.

Realizing how sick Bella is really brings back up a lot of the emotions from my dad's last nine months with us. It brings back memories of my dad loving that dog more than anything. Giving his heart so freely and completely. It brings back memories and familiar feelings of loss that are so hard to deal with. I am so sad for Bella. I am so sad for my mom. 

Bella, never far from my mom

Loss is something you never expect, but it eventually comes in some way, form, or manner. It's never easy to deal with, and no matter how many times you've experienced loss, it always catches you off guard. But one thing I've learned in my life is that I'll get through it. It won't be easy, but I can survive. I am going to pet that Bella-boo as much as I can and give her as many kisses as she'll let me. I'm going to visit her as much as I can and lie on my mom's bed with her. I'm going to feed her dog treats and cheese and hug my mom. 

I know we'll get through this. We always do. And I know Bella will one day be back with my dad playing ball and smiling her puppy smile. Please pray for Bella and my mom. This is going to be another hard road to walk down. 


Love and happiness <3 Holly

Be Healthier and Happier: My Favorite Breakfast Lately

I'm linking up again this week with my friend Casey over at Hey, Momma! Go check out her blog! It rocks!

Breakfast is probably one of my strangest meals of the day. I either grab something to take in the car on the way to school, or I grab something and don't eat it until I get to school. So breakfast, in a few words, needs to be fast, easy, healthy, and filling. Sometimes I just grab a Luna bar and a banana, but 1) that gets old quickly and 2) it doesn't usually tide me over until lunch. I recently started realizing that I'm going to need to do something different this year once school starts. And, happily, I found the perfect go-to breakfast! Refrigerator oats!

Honestly, my first thought about refrigerator oats was, "Blech! That can't taste good!" I thought about oats sitting overnight in Greek yogurt. Honestly, I didn't think this sounded like a winner. I couldn't imagine thick, Greek yogurt mixed with oats sitting in the fridge overnight. I'm not one for thick textures in my breakfast food, especially oatmeal. But for some reason, I decided to give the recipe a chance. 

I had recently purchased The FitGirl Guide which lays out meal plans and exercise routines to help you eat healthier and loose weight in a safe and thought-out way. One of the breakfast recipes was refrigerator oats. So I decided to give in to the hype and try them out. Let me just tell you, they are delicious, they are filling, and they are super easy! The texture is nice too; it's not too thick. It's just the right consistency. The oats soak up the milk and yogurt and really turns the oats into a satisfying meal. You can eat the oats cold or heated up. I prefer them cold right now; it's been so hot lately this summer. 

The base recipe is as follows:

1/3 cup oats (not quick cooking)
1/3 cup almond milk
1/2 cup Greek Yogurt
1 tsp honey
1 Tbsp peanut butter or nut butter of your choice
1/2 cup chopped frozen fruit (your choice)

I put my overnight oats in 16 oz. Mason jars that I purchased from Target. Keep an eye out on these jars! Target has been putting them on sale on and off this summer. I got my 6 pack for $7.99.

From Target.com

You mix all the ingredients together in the Mason jars. The most important thing is to mix all the ingredients together really well. The honey and the nut butter add nice flavor to the oats, but they can't if they're not mixed! I use a knife to mix the oats because it fits nicely in the jar and seems to help everything combine nicely. 

I switch up the fruit that I put with the oats. Sometimes I do dark, sweet cherries, blueberries, peaches, or mixed berries. All of them have been tasty!  I even added a little bit of cinnamon and ginger to the peach oats to make it taste like peach pie! Yum!

If you'd like some more ideas for refrigerator oats, I pinned some on my Pinterest Board "FitGirl Recipes." You can follow it here. 

Banana Bread Refrigerator Oats

These are healthy recipes that I've found based on the premise of FitGirl. They are not necessarily FitGirl recipes. To find out more about the FitGirl Guide, click here. 





Have you tried refrigerator oats? What do you think? What is your favorite go-to breakfast?



Love and happiness <3 Holly

Motivation to Be Healthier and Happier

Last year I completely (practically) stopped working out. I was coming off a huge depression caused by different migraine medication I was taking at the time. I had never felt so unmotivated, down, dark, and hopeless in my life. I am a pretty "glass-is-half-full" kind of person. Going through such a dark time in my life really took the wind out of my sails. 

I truly enjoy Zumba and dancing. I used to go a few times per week and also go to group dance classes (salsa, swing, hustle, bachata, waltz, etc.) at least once each week. Last year all of that stopped when I couldn't even get off the couch or get out of bed. I felt miserable, not myself. My body felt like it didn't belong to me. I felt inhuman--I don't even know how else to describe my feelings at the time. I had no emotions and the things I loved did not bring me any joy. I could hardly even take the dogs outside, let alone think about going to a dance class. 

At this moment in my life, I feel 110% better. I feel more myself. I've been weened off the last of the medication causing me problems. My head feels clearer. My body feels my own again--I control it, not vice versa. And my mind is living in a more suggestible state at the moment. It's easy to convince it of the benefits of working out and making my body follow through. 

In general I am pretty good at pushing myself to do something. I've never lacked the ability to motivate myself to do something, especially when I know it is good for me. Exercise is a huge anxiety release for me. If I feel my anxiety creeping up on me, I know I have to work out. My head feels so much clearer after a good exercise stint. That in itself is usually good enough motivation to get me to workout.

Feeling good after a workout at home

It is, however, not easy to restart a habit once you've lost your momentum. Here are a few things that I did to help motivate me to stay on track with my exercise routine:

New Shoes

I have plantar fascistic. When I wear out a pair of shoes, my feet are not happy campers. I usually wear out my shoes and continue to wear them over and over because I just don't want to suck it up and get new ones. I haven't really found a great pair of shoes that I love to workout in. However, I decided that I needed new shoes if I was going to workout as much as I am this summer. I found THE PERFECT shoes, and I love them! I think it was just luck, but I don't care because my shoes rock!

I looked up some good shoes to Zumba/dance in. So many running shoes are not good for me because they have too much traction on the bottom. It's hard to twist your feet, turn, and move quickly without twisting your ankle. I ended up ordering the Nike Free TR 5 Women's Training Shoe. I can move really well in them, and they give my ankles great support (old dance injury). I love them!

New Workout Gear

Since I gained weight, a lot of my workout clothes felt a little tight on me. I ended up going to Old Navy and buying two pairs of great workout leggings and a few shirts on super clearance! I also bought a few new pairs of cute socks because I couldn't find any matches to the ones I had! It felt good to have my workout clothes fit well. And I felt like I looked good in them because they fit. It is definitely a motivator to be able to feel comfortable in what you're wearing!

Treat.Yo.Self

The second week of July I had been working out solidly and tracking my calories in My Fitness Pal for a good month. I never drink frappucinos from Starbucks, but the 
S more's Frap sounded delicious as a treat, so I decided to get one. I got a tall, light frappucino. It satisfied my sweet tooth craving, and it was amazing! I don't plan on ordering another anytime soon, but who knows? Maybe I'll have one next month as a treat to myself. If there's something you would really like to treat yourself to, everything is okay in moderation. I don't plan on depriving myself of things I enjoy just because I'm trying to lose weight. I added it into the calories I ate for the day, and I was still under. Seriously try this one if you're into S More's or Starbucks. It.is.to.die.for.

Workout Friends

I love the people in my Zumba classes. It's fun to be there and dance with people you really enjoy being around, but I also convinced my sissy to come back to Zumba too! She is my ultimate workout partner. I am so happy she started going with me again! I also occasionally get to go with one of my long-time friends from high school. I love being able to see her more than I normally do. It's super fun, and it keeps me going to class even if I'm trying to talk myself out of going for the day. 

Grabbing lunch with my sissy after working out.

Try Something New

Sometimes you just need to do something different. I found a dance studio that has adult modern dance and hip hop drop in classes. I'm so excited; I'm going to go to the modern dance class next week if it's offered. I haven't really "danced" in about 13 years, so wish me luck! I am SO EXCITED to try it! Dance, dance, dance! Try to find something you love to do to get your exercise in. Dancing is totally me; I was a dancer for about 18 years. That's why I love taking the classes I do. I don't really feel like I'm working out when I'm on the dance floor.

What do you do to keep yourself motivated in your workouts?

Love and happiness <3 Holly