I have been writing a novel for a few months. I am not very far, but I am slowly working on it. It's been a goal of mine ever since I was younger, but my OCD brain always stops me from going through the actual process of getting it done. Once I start, I get completely overwhelmed and feel anxiety about not wanting to finish because it probably won't be "perfect," no one will want to read it, my writing isn't good enough, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!! I finally told my OCD loop to shove it! I started writing a fictional account of a girl with OCD--ha!--and I've been having fun doing it! I am not expecting it to be completed in a certain amount of time; I just work on it when I have ideas and feel like I want to. I usually do a little every week.
For this week's Five Minute Friday, here is a small part from my "book" that I started but haven't finished yet. I am finishing it up here for Five Minute Friday! This part is just a small scene showing how frustrated the main character gets living with OCD in her everyday life.
Five Minute Friday: Book Selection
I place my hand on the knob of the bathroom door, touch the light switch and flick it on/off, again on/off, again on/off, again on/off. I step into the bathroom. Before I can reach for my toothbrush, an uncontrollable shock sends flashes of lightning bolts through my brain. That wasn’t right. Or maybe it was? I can't tell. I never can tell.
Something in my body feels off. Like if I don’t get out of this bathroom right now I might throw up all over the ugly, brown tile floor. It's that feeling you get when you think there’s a man behind your shower curtain waiting to jump out at you with a knife and stab you right in the heart. I hate that feeling, but I can never shake it. It's my normal. It stalks me every waking second of my life.
As if pulled by a magnetic force, I am repelled out of the bathroom. I can’t stand to be in there with that feeling rising up inside me getting stronger by the second. I take two deep breaths and turn around to push the bathroom door open again. I reach for the light switch and flick it on/off, again on/off, again on/off, again on/off. I step into the bathroom. Before I can reach for my toothbrush, I get that shock again. This time I want to punch myself in the head and tell myself, Don’t do it! But—I know I can’t. I never can. I can't just stay in my bathroom. I can't just stand there on the cold, hard tile like a "normal" person. That would be too easy. “Shit!” I turn around and walk out of the bathroom. My brain forces me out again. God, grant me the strength to get through this day.
Thanks for reading!!!
Love and happiness <3 Holly