I hate painting my nails. I don't really think it has anything to do with not liking actually painting my nails; I think it has everything to do with my perfectionism, OCD, and anxiety. I have avoided painting my nails for a long time. I avoid, in general, painting my nails just because I know that feeling of anxiety will creep up inside me once I start. From getting the polish out, to sitting down and actually painting them, to watching that first streak of color go astray, I can feel my anxiety building just thinking about it. I know it sounds crazy, but that's what anxiety is: absolute craziness.
I love it when my nails are painted. It makes me feel happy. It makes me feel special. It makes me feel good about myself. I love getting my nails done by someone else. But I do not love doing them myself.
I hate sitting down and thinking, If this doesn't look perfect, I'm going to have to re-do it. Then I'm going to have to wait for all of it to dry again. Of course it's going to get all over the sides of my nails and my skin. When I try to clean it off, it will mess the rest of my nails up. Then I'll have to wipe that off too and do that all over again! It will never be perfect!
I always worry that my nails don't look "perfect," to me at least. I think everyone is looking at my nails thinking about how messy and sloppy they look. Then I think this makes people think about how messy and sloppy I am because I can't paint my nails to save my life. But I know in my realistic brain that this is not the case. I know that no one is staring at my nails thinking that they look ridiculous. I know that no one is judging me, and if they are, who cares?!? However, my anxiety brain tells me otherwise. It tells me that I should not paint my nails because they'll never be perfect.
I've realized that I am tired of not painting my nails! I have all these beautiful colors (like the one below) just waiting to be painted onto them. I would love to start wearing them; I just need to suck it up and do it.
Sinful Colors (Walgreens $1.99) in I Miss You 930
Love and happiness <3 Holly
To read more about my perfectionism, click here and here